It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
