Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
