I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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