i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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