I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
