hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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