It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
