I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
