I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
