You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
