My cat gives me a boner
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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