it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he thought i was a dude.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
