Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
