um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
