"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
