Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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