She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
