after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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