We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
