At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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