Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
