she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my poor anus
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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