a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
