why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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