the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
