If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
