i need an iv and a liver transplant
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
