Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
pray to the hookup gods
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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