Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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