Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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