a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
