id be glad to
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
