I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
