It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
