I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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