I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
