ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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