great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
