singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Randomize
