Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
ttyl tear gas
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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