I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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