I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
