i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
