Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
