I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
