This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he thought i was a dude.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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