i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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