This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
