I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
