yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We have started to decorate penises.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
