My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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