i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
